I knew it was getting closer and closer to the time he was supposed to arrive because he texted and said he was about to take a shower and be on the way. He will text me again when he leaves. His hotel room was only about ten minutes from mine, so it would take no time to get to me.
Before he arrived, I said a prayer to God. Yes, I prayed to God! I sat on the bed and said, “Lord, please don’t let me sleep with this man. I don’t want to mess this up by having sex with him on the first night. I know it’s not the best move to meet him in my hotel room, but I wanted privacy, and I wanted his undivided attention. Please help me keep my legs close. You know me, and you know how I can get. I want this to be a romantic evening alone with just him and me. Amen!"
It was my intention when he came over just to give him a nice bath and massage, and pray with him. Yes, I did say I wanted to pray with him. I know, I know, I know… I had high hopes. A few minutes later he texted and said he was on the way. I nearly dropped my phone on the floor. I was so nervous and scared as shit! I wanted to shit myself. My stomach had so many butterflies. It had been three years since I last seen him, and it was going to be his first time seeing me in person. I did not want to mess it up by taking a crap on myself in front of him or throwing up. So I called my best friend Stacey because I knew she was going to be able to calm me down. She is used to seeing me act hysterical when I am nervous, especially on a first date.
As soon as she picked up the phone, I said, “Girl he on the way, I am about to shit myself! I don’t know what to do… I’m not ready… my hair is a mess because it got exposed to the steam from the tub, I tried to press it out, but it is still frizzy. I can’t put on my girdle because I got the bubble guts and my stomach hurt, and I can’t wear my heels because my feet hurt from standing up and running around all day trying to get myself together. I am scared I am going to fuck him, and then he is going to be gone just like that. I don’t want to fuck him, but I am horny as hell… and I been wet all day long! I just had to change my panties a minute ago, and I’m about to go crazy! And did I mention he on the way and will be here in exactly 5 minutes and counting?”
Stacey bust out laughing and said “girl calm down you are going to be fine! Don’t stress it, that man ain't studding that stuff. He done came all this way to see you, he could care less about that and won’t even notice your hair is frizzy. And if you have sex, you have sex. You only live once, where single, where women. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You know you, and you know you like to have sex, so if it happens, it happens. If he stays, he stays, if he goes, he goes. Just keep your feelings in your back pocket and calm down.” I then said “you’re right, but I don’t want to have sex with him. I can’t have sex with him; it will ruin everything! It always does. I can’t do it." She laughed and said "yeah right, I think you are going to do it. I know you. Just let me know how it was when ya’ll done!” I then laughed and said, “You don’t believe in me, I need you to believe that I am not going to fuck this man.” She then said "you’re going to do it. We already know you a hoe she laughed.” I then peeped out the window of my hotel room and saw a yellow taxi pull up in front of the hotel lobby doors. "Stacey, Oh shit Big Daddy is here, what the hell he do, fly over here like Superman?" My best friends know him as Big Daddy because I wanted to protect his identity because of who he was. I didn’t want it getting out into the public who he was talking to because I couldn’t bare the idea of my name making headline news. I can see it now “Celebrity music producer Richard Song has a taste for a Georgia peach and her name is Queen Rose.” I wanted no parts of TMZ, VH1, BET, Wendy Williams, Love B. Scott, Baller Alert, Bossip or any other celebrity news gossip outlet. I wanted what we had to be private with no drama from anyone, especially the world. His name was just in the headlines earlier this year around my birthday because of a rumor that he was dating some icon. I surely did not want my name ran through the mud because people think I was trying to steal her man. That was the last thing I needed on my resume.
“Girl I got to take a shit I yelled into the phone.” I started to run around the room like I had lost my damn mind. All I could hear was Stacey laughing through the phone hearing me have a straight panic attack. I mean I ran from the window to the bed, to the bathroom, back to the bed, and then back to the window. Then the phone in the hotel room started to ring, “Stacey, oh my God, it's him… hold on.” I ran over to the hotel room phone and tried to catch my breath, and then slowly raised the phone to my ear and calmly said “Hello” with a slightly nervous and shaky voice. “This is the front desk,” the gentleman said. “We have a Richard Song that is here to see you, Ms. Rose. Would you like for us to send him up?” I then said, “yes please.” The gentleman on the phone said, “I certainly will.” I hung up the phone and said “Stacey oh my God girl; this negro showed up. What am I going to do?” She then said, “Have Sex, Duh.” I said “No, I can’t do it, he’s going to think I’m a hoe. He probably already thinks I’m a hoe because I sent him a picture of my pussy one night we were sexting. Why the fuck did I do that? Now he thinks he is going to be able to dive in like a Navy Seal and let the rest his soldiers get to swimming right behind him.” Stacey then said, “you either going to let that man get in them guts, or your mouth going to be right below his gut… but that man ain’t come all the way here for nothing, and you been waiting a minute Miss. Abstinent.” She had a point. Something was going down tonight; I just didn’t know what! I had been abstaining for sex for about seven months now, and I decided I wanted to wait for marriage before having sex again. All sex brought me was heartache, pain, and a bunch of disappointment with past lovers. When Stacey brought it back to my attention that I was now abstinent and waiting for marriage, it kind of helped a little bit. It helped me remember what my goal was and what I truly wanted for myself, which was marriage. I heard a knock on my door. It was him; it was Richard. I whispered in the phone and said “Stacey, I got to go. Big Daddy is here. I’ll call you back!" She whispered back and said, “okay, call me later.” Why she was whispering, I don’t know because it wasn’t like he could hear her, but hey, I went with it.
I then ended the call, walked to the door, took a deep breath in and exhaled out, opening the door gradually. I hid behind the door, and Richard just stood outside the door looking in, real cautiously. I peeped my head around the door, so he would know it was I and it was safe to come in. Richard leisurely walked in, and I closed the door behind him. He smiled and said, “hey what’s up Miss. Rose?” I then blushed and said hello with a cheesing face that I could not hide no matter how hard I tried to play it cool. He then leaned in and gave me a hug, which I was so nervous about because I did not have on my girdle. When I hugged him, my stomach was poking out, and it touched against his flat stomach. I hope he didn’t notice, but hey it was too late for me to throw it on now. Yea Rich was smaller than me, and he was not that much taller either. However, I still found him to be very attractive and sexy. I didn’t hug him long because I was nervous. I immediately pulled back from him and asked him to have a seat. He walked over to the green velvet chair by the window to sit down.
He leaned back in the big comfy chair, and said, “this is nice. A beautiful room you have chosen here Miss. Rose.” I then blushed and said, “thank you, I was hoping you would like it.” The chair had a separate footrest in front of it, so he instantly put his feet up to relax on it. I felt his eyes watching me as I slowly walked towards the desk chair to have a seat directly in front of him. I was now able to get a good look at him face to face, and he was able to get a good look at me. I noticed that he looked very tired in the eyes as if he had been at it all day long. He looked exhausted, and half awoke. He spoke sluggishly, but still spoke very well and pronounced his words to where I could still understand him. I am big on men who can articulate well and intelligently.
I decided to break the ice and ask, “How did the concert go today?” I already knew how it went because I was in attendance about five rows back from the stage. I did not tell him I was going, because I didn’t know if I would make him nervous knowing I would be watching his every move as he played. The downside of it all was I was not able to see him play because my seat was off to the far-right side of the room where speakers were blocking my view of seeing the right side of the stage where the keyboards were set up. I could see everyone else performing, including the star of the night. I was kind of sad I could not see him perform, but I think it was for the best. I believe if I had watched him play the entire night, I would have fallen even more in love with him than I already do now.
However, hearing him play still touched me, and my ears enjoyed every moment of it even till the very last song where I got up to leave out early before the traffic began. As I walked up the long aisle towards the exit doors, I turned around and saw him dripping with sweat, and enjoying every musical note that filled that stage. I smiled from the back of the room and whispered to myself, I’ll see you soon.
“It went very well actually. A lot of people turned out which I am happy about, and I am glad I can finally relax for a little while till I am back on the road again” he said. “I noticed how beautiful the place was when I was coming up. What made you pick this place?” he asked. I said, “well you are an artistic person, so I figured you might like to be around something that you are familiar with and might enjoy.” He then said, “Indeed, I do. You have an eye for art I can see.” I said, “Yes, I love art. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it’s creative and has some style, I’m drawn to it. When I arrived today, I took a little time to walk around and was able to take a lot of photos so I can keep them as a memory.” He smirked and said, “so you are a tourist now?” I said, “No, I just like taking pictures of beautiful things that’s all.” He paused and said, “I can tell. I love the pictures you sent me of you by the way. I found them to be quite tantalizing.” I started to blush and looked down at the floor and beamed slightly. In the background, I had the radio playing very low, and he asked if that was Lauren Hill playing…I then told him yea. It was Lauryn Hill’s song called Nothing Even Matters featuring DeAngelo. “Can you turn that up for me please?” he asked.
These buildings could drift out to sea
Some natural catastrophe
Still, there's no place I'd rather be
'Cause nothing even matters to me
Nothing even matters
Nothing even matters to me
Nothing even matters
Nothing even matters to me
You're part of my identity
I sometimes have the tendency
To look at you religiously
'Cause nothing even matters to me
As the song began to play, I saw he closed his eyes and hummed to the song softly. I took it that he had liked that song, and so did I. Him and I both loved music, and that was one of the things that drew us closer together, and we had in common. He was very talented when it came to writing music and playing the piano. He played the drums a little bit, but when he touched the keyboard magic happened. He worked with the best artists that were out there. He was the one you would call when you needed a hit on the radio, and you needed it to go all the way to the top of the charts. To sit there and look at him right here in my room fascinated me. I have Richard Song sitting right here in my hotel room, and I have him all alone to myself. As I gazed at him while he sat there peacefully, I couldn’t help myself but admire how sexy he was. He was a light brown complexion like myself, jet-black curly hair, with a goatee, and had the most luscious brown lips I had ever seen. He was slim but toned from what I could tell behind his clothes. He had on a green coat and dark blue jeans, and some emerald green timberland boots. He looked like a cute little lucky charm. I never saw emerald green boots before, but they appear magically delicious on him.
As I was sitting there, star gazed and lost in imagination I heard him call my name. “Rose, Rose…” I looked up and said "huh?” He then smiled and said, “I was asking did the hotel provide any bathrobes? I want to get out of these clothes and relax if that is okay with you.” My stomach then began to churn and get butterflies, and my heart began to race at the thought of seeing him with nothing but a bathrobe on. I then stuttered and said “yea, yea… they’re ugh hanging in the bathroom already.” He then got up and walked towards the bathroom. As he was walking, I could get a better view of his body. He was very slender, with nice broad shoulders, and long legs for him to be only 5’10. His arms were kind of short, from what I could see, but I bet they had some type of muscle on them, which I couldn't wait to find out. I could tell he had a fast metabolism, so anything he ate he would burn it right off. I was somewhat jealous — anything I ate stayed on me for an entire week. I loved his style, I loved his walk, and I loved his swagger. Rich was almost ten years older than me, but he did not act like it. You could tell he was mature and highly intelligent, but he didn’t act old, but very young and energetic. You could see he took good care of his self. Clean cut, clean face, skin smooth and clear, and he smelled amazing! I loveeeeed the way he smelled. It’s nothing like a man with a cologne that just gets you all roweled up.
He was still in the bathroom changing, and I am still sitting here at the desk like okayyyy what do I do now? I’m nervous as hell, and I don’t know what to do? I could feel my heart pounding out my chest while I heard him in their getting undress. Finally, he walks out in nothing but his bathrobe on. I tried not to stare so hard as he walked back over to the chair he was sitting in to have a seat, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to snatch the robe off and see if he had rightfully earned the name Big Daddy that I had given him. Trying to play it cool and calm I asked, “Are you comfortable now?” He replied, “yes I am, but I would be more comfortable if I could lay down and have the massage you promised me.”
My stomach suddenly tensed up from being so nervous, because he did not mind being forward and confident with what he wanted. I said “What about your bath? I thought I could give you a nice warm bath with bubbles and wash you first.” He said, “that is going to put me right to sleep the way I feel right now. I already know. You don’t have to do that. The massage will be just fine.” I then said, “okay” with a slight look of disappointment. I wanted to be romantic and bath him from head to toe, but he did just take a shower before he came so it wouldn’t make much sense to rewash him.
I got up and walked over to the lamp on the other side of the room and turned it off. The only lamp that was left on was a three bulb champagne gold candelabra, which had a diming switch on it. I told him to go lay down on the bed, which he did. I lit the candle I had purchased earlier that week, which was a Eucalyptus Mint candle. It is my favorite candle because it always relaxes me during my morning meditations or my bubble baths. After I lit the candle and placed it on the desk, I told him I was going to step in the bathroom to change out of my dress, and I would be right back. He said okay, as he stretched across the bed still in his bathrobe. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.
I looked in the mirror and said “Queen, don’t you sleep with this man! Please do not sleep with him. If you do, you know your feelings are going to get in the way, and it is going to go downhill from there." The sad part about it was I had already had feelings for him, and I knew I had already loved him before he even walked into that hotel room. Just seeing him confirmed that I had loved him. The months we were talking and texting I was already becoming close to him. Just watching what he was doing as he traveled, him spending time with his family, him working on his gift of music, I fell in love with just the way he lived and who he was as a person.
The main reason how I fell in love with him was how he was as a father. Yes, Richard has children and three beautiful children. As busy as his schedule was he always found a way to see and spend time with each of them. I could tell he loved his kids and they were his top priority, and he would do anything for them. Yes, he was attractive and very talented, but that didn’t catch my attention at first — him as a father caught my attention and what made me so attracted to him. I knew that if a man could have that much love for his kids and treat them as if they were precious jewels, then that is a man worth having and fighting for. I knew I could see myself long-term with him, but I was scared that he only wanted me for one thing and that was sex. I knew he was a man, and I knew he wanted some right then and now. However, I wanted to be smart for the both of us that night.
Yes, I wanted to go and tear that entire hotel room up with him and I all over the place, but I knew if I did, that would probably be the end and the last time I saw him. I didn’t want to be considered as a hoe, as I have been categorized in the past based on bad decisions I’ve made… but I wanted to be considered as his Queen, even if it was just for the night. I wanted him to feel what it was like to have a Queen lay with him. I stepped out of the tight black dress and put on a white button-down business dress shirt. Yes, a business shirt with long sleeves, that covered everything but my thighs, calves, and feet! I did not want to show my body off to him, because I wanted all his attention directed to what I was going to do to his body. Plus, I was still insecure about how my body looks even though I had lost weight.
Once I finished buttoning down the shirt, I fluffed my hair and sprayed on a couple of sprays of my favorite perfume. It goes so well with my body, and I knew it would drive him crazy when he smelled it. I grabbed the eucalyptus mint massage oil, took a deep breath, cut off the bathroom light and walked back into the bedroom where he was still laying.
I asked, “are you sleeping yet.” He lifted his head and said, “nope… just waiting for you my dear.” I blushed and said “cool.” He asked, “could you turn up the music just a little bit?” I said “Sure.” I walked over to the radio and adjusted the volume, and walked back towards the bed. I asked, “you like my shirt, I am fully covered up?” He said, “I see, I can’t see a damn thing on you!” I then said, “good, that is the purpose.” I took a deep breath and softly told him to take off his bathrobe. He then turned on his side, and proceeded to untie the rope from around his waist and took off the robe and threw it to the side of the bed. He had on nothing but his boxers, which I was happy about because it made my job a lot easier not to get so distracted with what he was working with.
He laid back on his stomach and crossed his arms and laid his head on top of them. I reached and grabbed the massage oil and poured a little into the palm of my hand and place the top back on the bottle, and rubbed my hands together to get them warm. My hands can be cold at times, so I did not want to freeze him when I eventually touched him. Once I felt my hands were warm enough, I climbed onto him and sat opened legged across his lower waist. I put most of my weight on my knees because I knew he was smaller than me and I did not want to put too much pressure on him. I didn’t know how much of my weight he could handle before he started to go numb. I leaned forward and began to massage his neck and his shoulder blades. I am very weak when it comes to applying pressure with my hands, so I told him this is not going to be a deep tissue massage, but I will try my best to make it pleasurable.
I began to apply a little force and began to rub deep but slowly against his back. I would rub in circular motions, and then there were times I would rub up and down. As I was massaging him, I began to hear him moan. It kind of caught me off guard, but it turned me on a bit. It let me know I must have been doing something right with these fragile little hands of mine. I loved pleasing him, and I enjoyed hearing the sound of his deep voice saying, “Yes, that’s it. Right there.” I loved the feel of his skin against my hands. His skin was smooth, and there was no hair on his back. Smooth as butter. You could tell he took great care of his skin, and I loved it. At that moment as I was massaging his milk chocolate muscular back and neck, I began to hear the music play. It was nothing but slow jams. The ones that come on when you put the kids to bed, and it’s just time for you and your boo to relax on the couch and kick it after a long day of work. Yea, they were playing all the greats. Luther Vandross, Al Green, Sade, Toni Braxton, Joe, Maxwell, Musiq Soulchild, Barry White, Jon B., Anita Baker, Jodeci, Erykah Badu, R. Kelly, and now Beyoncé’s song Speechless.