“Ms. Rose! Ms. Rose! Wake up, Ms. Rose. I need to take your blood pressure, and you need to start getting ready for breakfast. Come on sit up.”
My eyes were half open still blurry trying focus on nurse Lisa dressed in her royal blue scrubs. Nurse Lisa was a black woman in her early forties who was about five feet tall and weighed about one hundred and eighty pounds. She was built like a pear, small up top but wide at the hips. She wore her hair in Singhalese jet-black twists, which she always had pulled back in a tight bun. As I sat up in the bed, I noticed the room was still dark but I could see the hallway light shining brightly through my room. I looked up to the nurse as she was rolling up my sleeve on my right arm and I asked, “What time is it?” She replied, "it's 6:30 am." "Thank you. I didn’t even notice I had fallen asleep after I had gotten back in the room from the fire alarm last night," I said to the nurse Lisa. "Do you know what caused the alarm to go off?" I asked.
Nurse Lisa rolled her eyes and said, “Girl some fooled up patient on the D hall done set off a fire in their room trying to burn themselves alive.” "Are you serious?" I asked. “Chile yes," she said sounding annoyed. "This nut done somehow got a hold of a lighter, some paper, some alcohol, and nearly burnt the room down. How the hell they got a hold of it is beyond me!” "Wow, that is crazy," I said in disbelief. “Tell me about it," she said. "I’m so ready to be out of this place I don’t know what to do. I got one more interview with this nursing home that’s near my momma house, and I am out of here, you hear me? She will be able to watch my kids, while I work just a couple of blocks away from her house. I pray to God it comes through because I don’t think I can take another day of this place.” "Tell me about it," I said, with a slight look of gloom. Nurse Lisa laughed and said "Ms. Rose, you’ll be out of here soon. Don’t you worry your pretty little head. You and I both are going to be free of this madhouse. We are going to keep the faith together, okay?" "You got it," I answered smiling back.
"Ms. Rose, it looks like your blood pressure is very low," she said as she removed the now loosened band from around my arm. "Try to walk around and drink some more water today okay?" "Yes, ma’am," I said. "Good! Go ahead and start getting ready for breakfast. I believe Doctor Green wants to meet with you when you get back from the cafeteria." "Okay, thank you," I said. Nurse Lisa then walked over to Blue’s bed and said, Ms. Baisley. I need to take your blood pressure."
While Blue was getting her blood pressure taken, I decided to go ahead and jump in the shower and get a move on since today's schedule shows it is completely booked with absolutely nothing to do. I grabbed my towel and stepped into the bathroom closing the thin beige shower curtain that separated the bathroom from the bedroom. I reached over to turn on the shower and allow the water to get warm before I eventually undressed and stepped in. Our rooms didn’t have much privacy, but somehow with a curtain separating me from Nurse Lisa and Blue on the other side, I was able to have a moment to myself to think while the warm water sooth my body.
As I stood there under the showerhead, all I could think about was the dream I had woke up from just a little ago. I had been having dreams since I was a young girl about me being a Queen in Egypt. I never knew why I have always had these dreams, but for the most part, I enjoyed having them because they were my escape from my reality. It was exciting to experience living in an enormous palace surrounded by statues of gods and goddesses that were several stories high. I had lions that sat on each side of every entryway to the palace carved out of nothing but complete marble. There were giant pillars and columns made out of red Egyptian granite and each of them had a decorated crown on top that replicated the one I wore each time I graced the thrown. These columns led the way to Antirhodos Island where my palace was built in the great city of Alexandria. As a Queen, I had to be powerful, beautiful, courageous, and royal. I could rule, make decisions and win the hearts of millions across the deserts of Egypt and even across the vast seas that led to Rome. Rome was the place where I met my love, my heart, and my King.
I enjoyed the moments I shared with him in passion. Thousands of miles and tumultuous seas distance us for months at a time, but with the love I had for King, no amount of distance could put an end to that craving. My dreams feel so real when I have them. With each dream I have, it feels like its telling my story, and I am the main character that goes through this battle of love and hate, peace and war, and life and death. I have been asking myself for years as to why does my mind go through these stories of being a Queen and having many passionate entanglements, but nothing seems to add up. I have been talking with therapists about them since I was a young lady in my early twenties, and none of them seem to take them to be very serious because of there just dreams, they're not real.
Some of the therapists were nice enough to try and interpret my dreams, but they say these dreams are just my method of escapism to drown out the pain I have experienced in my life. I believe this to be partially correct, but the truth was my dreams weren’t always so passionate and erotic. There was the pain in my dreams as well, even though the dreams felt so erotic. To me, these dreams were my reality. Sometimes they were an exact mirroring image of my life at the moment, and whether it was a dream or it was my actual life, they hurt like hell. It is because of these dreams I ended up here in this psychiatric ward. I couldn’t separate my dreams from reality because they both were a representation of what I believed to be true. I was in love but in pain at the same time. Somehow love, and the pain was able to transcend from my reality back to what has been shown to me unconsciously. It seems as if my dream life is telling a story that happened thousands of years ago.
The day I checked myself into this place was one of the most depressing days I had that took me over the edge. It was a week after Richard had cut off all communication with me because he said he was seeing someone else. Well, that’s partially correct. I ended up here because I was contemplating doing a prescription drug overdose because King had left me to marry another woman back in Rome. Yes, it was a dream I had, but the dream felt so real when I woke up, and my heart was completely shattered. The pain hurt me so much to where I didn’t want to feel anything any longer. I didn’t want to feel love, life, or happiness because each of them ended with an outcome of pain. So I reached over to my nightstand, grab the pills, and swallowed one after the other.
No one has ever really taken anything serious about the dreams I have and believe what I was telling him or her, except for one person, my younger brother David. My younger brother David was a musician like Richard and was also a pianist, but David was better. I’m not saying this because he is my brother, but my brother got some skills on those keys that Richard couldn't even touch no matter how hard he tried. The difference between Richard and David was playing with passion. Yes, Richard had passion when he played, but David played as if he was the only one on stage and he stood out amongst the entire band including the actual artist who was performing. He had a fire in his passion! It was something about Davids spirit that was able to capture the audience ear and their eyes. It was a gift I knew given by God that no one could touch, not even Richard. David knew Richard from the fundraiser they had here in Atlanta, Georgia a couple of years ago. They knew of each other, but there was no networking or friendship between the two — just a musician knowing another musician. From my eyes, they respected each other's craft and left it at that.
I remember the day I told my little brother that I was talking to Richard Song and I think he was feeling me. He was standing in front of the bathroom mirror shaving while listening to Anita Baker song called Angel. My brother's eyes grew big while still staring into the mirror with the razor on the lower part of his jaw. His eyes became so big just like my grandmothers use to get when she heard something that astounded her. He put the razor down on the counter and looked at me eyeball to eyeball and said, “You mean to tell me that you are talking to the Richard Song? You kidding me right?”
“No I’m not David, I’m for real. We have been talking back and forth through text messages, and I think he is feeling your big sister too, hehe" I giggled. “How the hell you start talking to him?” he asked.
“Well... we just started liking each other's pictures on Facebook and Instagram, and from there he gave me his number. He thinks I’m cutteeeee," I said blushingly with a big grin on my face!
“Do you know even know who he is sis? Like really, have you done any research on what he has done in his life as far as being a musician?” David asked.
“Well not really. I mean I do know he did that hit back in the 90s with that beautiful star who passed not to long ago, but that’s about it. But who cares, he's feeling your sister, and I’m feeling him. What does his career have to do with anything?”
My brother then shook his head, picked the razor back up and continue shaving while looking into the mirror. “Sis, sometimes I think I’m the oldest," he said before doing several clicks with his tongue hitting the back of his teeth. It was as if he knew something I didn’t know. “Guess what? You’re not! So tell me. What is it?" I said with an attitude. “Sis, all I’m going to say is I am impressed that you were able to pull Richard Song. I’m shocked actually. Let’s just say he is "somebody" in the music industry and his name holds some weight in certain places, especially the music business.”
“Duhhh I know that!” I replied rolling my eyes.
“Sis just be careful when it comes to him. He is a musician like myself, and you know how my lifestyle has been. Just don’t get too attached and falling in too deep with him. You know how sensitive you are and I don’t want to see you get hurt again that’s all.”
"I know, I know," I said. I really wasn’t taking too much heed to my brother’s advice because I was already head over heels with Richard. I felt like a little girl walking into a candy store, and my mouth was watering just to get a taste of something sweet that I have been craving all day! This is the moment where I should have listened to the wisdom my brother had given to me, but I ignored it. “He is a musician like myself, and you know how my lifestyle has been” I heard replay in my mind, but I smothered it with my infatuation.